Catapult
by Allie-Jean
Summary: New Moon, Edward has been gone a while and Bella gets back on her feet. I always wished she'd been a bit stronger by herself. Of course Edward is still a vital part of the story, only you have to be a little patient for him, just like in New Moon..
1. Chapter 1

_Starting somewhere in New Moon. _

_Not because I liked that book best, far from it. It's rather because I was so thoroughly upset with it. I love Twilight, but I found it hard to tolerate Bella as such a wuss, for lack of better word. In "New Moon" I find she'd let Edward, and anybody else, get away with anything. And I hated it, since I always considered her a caring, unselfish character, but not a pushover. _

_I always wondered what would have happened if he really did return to her, like he said he would have soon just because he couldn't stand being away from her. More importantly, what if Bella had had a little more time to compose herself. Not that she would have forgotten him ever, but just perfected her facade a little. _

_I really don't know exactly how to start this, but I have a definitive idea on how this is going to end, so we'll just see were it goes. _

_Oh, and, Edward will come back. It's funny how as much as I hated waiting on him to return for so long in New Moon and now I'll have to do the same thing, but just wait a little, I have to build up some kind of scenario and some kind of new Bella before he can come back. _

_Oh, and, obviously I don't own any of this. All belongs to Mrs. Meyer and her publishers. And for good reason, since in comparison my writing skills seriously lack something to be considered. _

_Bella's point of view. All the way. I don't like switching point of view; it is a great temptation, one wants to see both sides, but it's also kind of easy. _

- Chapter 1. Preparations to Pretend -

It was the sound of Charlie's car tires on the wet gravel that finally woke me up, after having tossed and turned in bed for the last couple of hours. One of my inevitable dreams had caused me to wake up at around four in the morning, sitting up straight in bed. Since then it had just been short interludes of dozing off. And now? It had to be some time around seven, Charlie was off to go fishing with Billy.

My father still didn't trust my repeated message that I was okay, that I was fine -at least now I was giving that answer. In the first couple of weeks it was a miracle that I kept breathing, thinking, moving around just enough to get to school and back; I certainly didn't speak to people. I would have stayed a mute for even longer if it hadn't been for my concern that Charlie would ship me off and back to my Mum; not that I didn't love staying with my Mum, but back then I still had hope that Edward might somehow turn around and come back. And even though I knew full well that if he had wanted to find me, he could have easily found me wherever I was, I needed to stay in Forks for him. And yes, I was perfectly aware of giving a whole new meaning to the word pathetic, then and now.

It was on the day that the blue letter arrived, telling my Dad (and any of the neighbours who wanted to tune in to his ecstatic shouting) that I had indeed gained a scholarship to Middlebury University, that I realized I had been a walking, talking corpse for almost ten month. I didn't care much about the Uni. I wasn't even particularly proud about getting in, after all my life had been entirely empty. The fact that I had concentrated on nothing but school wasn't exactly admirable. But then, right after graduation ceremony, I overheard my Charlie saying to Billy that he wouldn't let me go to College just now, that he didn't think I could make it alone, so far away. What a joke. He was the one who couldn't microwave dinner when left on his own.

I moved and shifted under the blankets and hid my face under one of the pillows. I wasn't entirely convinced if I wanted to go back to sleep, to just stay in bed for the day until Charlie came home and I needed to be up and normal. But, just in case, I pulled my legs up almost all the way to my chest and snuggled in the covers even closer, trying if I could get some more rest.

The nights were something I both feared and longed for. Sometimes, on very few occasions, my dreams were so real that it was good just to be in them, to some way be in his presence; but mostly my sleep was very unhealthy and often interrupted.

Of course, it was him who haunted my dreams. And not even in the literal sense of haunting, no, Edward was just there. And even subconsciously I knew that it wasn't real, so I had the classic dream of running and never reaching what you're running for.

I don't know why, but the minute Edward was gone I realized I was all alone. He really had been all I had, mostly because he was all and the only thing I wanted. I couldn't just go and be comforted by Angela, as much as I liked her, let alone Jess, who was sweet but never understood anything. And I didn't want to be comforted by any of them. Because what could they tell me? So, Bella, you lost your boyfriend. It happens to everyone. You'll get over it. Sure, they would be more sensible than that. But that would be the general direction of their argument, and they were right. Only for me it was different.

Some part of me was probably only attracted to the fact that he was a vampire- well, obviously not that, but what came with it. His looks, his smell, all his talents like playing the piano or carrying me around like I weighed nothing. That was what caught my attention. But then I really just fell in love with Edward. The person he was, the incredible being. And both of those together just couldn't be reversed; I wasn't a teenage girl insisting on her crush, it was a fact I had to accept. I could maybe learn to be a bit more normal without Edward. But I couldn't stop my feelings for him. So I would just have to find a way to get around that.

I sighed and got up. What was the point. Might as well get onto my plan of leading a normal life, not just for Charlie's sake but for my own, too, as soon as possible. Because then he'd let me go to Uni, and then maybe I could be more normal there.

When I stepped out of the shower and tried to multitask by pulling a brush through my wet hair and brushing my teeth at the same time (impossible idea, and not working out for me since I had toothpaste all over my jaw and the brush so well tangled up I couldn't get it out of my hair anymore), I looked at myself in the wall sized mirror.

The girl staring back at me was more a young woman than a girl, to be nineteen in fall. Her hair almost came down to her waist and looked enormous in comparison to the skinny limbs and body. I hadn't cut my hair in, say, ten month, and I hadn't eaten a lot either. I'd never had much curves but now my arms were so tiny Edward could have probably used one hand only to span it around both my forearms. Edward. Let's not go there. Let's just keep looking in the mirror. My eyes, the only thing I'd ever really considered beautiful about my face, looked even bigger now and had a bit of a feverish shine to them; also, they had dark rings circling them. All in all, I looked like some kind of tragic Ophelia, slightly sick but very convincing.

And then it came to me, that there was no reason for today to not be the day to start changing a few things around here. Edward wasn't coming back. I had been trying to be selflessly nice to people and not to care too much about myself for a long time, ever since I'd turned twelve and started taking care of my Mum more than she did me. It was never anything I realized I was doing while doing it, but I knew that was what Edwards saw in me mostly, and that alone was one good reason to stop it. It suddenly hit me. I was in no way special, but I was sort of a goody-goody person. And maybe right now, I needed to not be that.

And first of all, I needed my body to stop from turning into that of a 12-year-old boy and to feel a bit healthier about myself.

I quickly dressed in Jeans and a tight purple sweater. I would pay more attention to the way I looked, too, I silently vowed to the bathroom mirror, but later, right now wasn't the best time to start. I went to my computer, and slow as it was, I had time to blow dry my hair before I had checked my savings account on line. Well, who were we kidding. It was never enough to get in a top grade college anyways, but it was a lot; and since I now had a scholarship that included living costs at my dorms, I was simply going to go and spend lots of money on stuff. That's what people in movies do when they are being dumped. Shopping. Maybe it helped.

I picked up the phone. This was probably going to be a shock for her.

"Hello? Webber here?"

"Hi, Angela. It's Bella Swan."

There was a pause. Of course there was. I had hardly spoken to her in month. But I knew instinctively that Angela was both the girl I used to like most around here, and the one that would most easily forgive me for my strange behaviour.

"Uh, hi Bella." Another pause. "It's actually great to hear from you." And she meant it, that's what struck me. She was a rare type of lovely person and she was one I shouldn't push any farther away than I already had by now.

"Look, I know this is awkward. Well, me, I'm awkward, I know. But, uhm, is there a chance you'd like to spend the day with me? Shopping? Getting out of here?"

I was slightly nervous with the response.

"Actually, I would love that." There was something else in her voice I'd missed before. Her pleasure about my call couldn't be all about me.

"Is there something wrong, Angela?"

"Well. Ben and I broke up. I was supposed to go on a weekend trip with my folks but now I don't feel up for it. I guess you would understand." A bit of sarcasm in her voice, actually a lot. Fine, I deserved that.

My head jumped to conclusions. Well, she was in need of distraction, why not give her that. I was in need of a lot of change around here. I wanted her to be part of that, best all day, or even all weekend. If I was to ask her for anything, why not be as bold as possible? It was only a shot.

"Look, Angela, we can spend the weekend. That is, if you want to. I can pick you up in a few and we can go to Port Angeles or Seattle, and go shopping. Spend our money mindlessly. That's what every true Hollywood lover does after a break-up, right?"

I could almost hear her smile. "Yes. That would be great. Maybe we can get dinner in the city as well, stay out late."

She was onto me.

"Tell you what. I will pick you up in half an hour from now. We go to Seattle. Eat dinner there, too. And then if you want to you can stay here, we can have the ultimate sleepover."

She actually giggled from the way I was advertising it. I was good at this, I realized. Good at pretending to be the old Bella.

"And tomorrow, if you want to at all, you can help me change my room. I will shop for some decorations and maybe even wall paint. I need to seriously change everything here."

She seemed to be caught my, half real half worked up, enthusiasm.

"That would be great, Bella. Only", she chuckled, "let's take my car to make sure we are in Seattle before the day is over. No offense. And that way, tomorrow after the sleepover, I can drive myself home."

This was her way of accepting.

"Angela? If you want to, you can tell me all about Ben in the car. But you don't have to."

"I know. I'll be at you house in 30 minutes. Okay"

"Great. See you." I meant to hang up.

"And, Bella?"

"Yes?"

"I missed you." She hung up. I hung up. This was working. I didn't know how, but somehow I had made this work out perfectly.

My next call was to Jacob. He was surprised, too, since I barely picked up the phone and normally preferred just to show up at his place. But he agreed to meet me on Sunday night. Watch a movie or something like it. He was cheerful, eager, as always.

Thirty Minutes later I actually smiled at Angela when I climbed up on the passenger's seat of her Dad's range rover, quite an impressive shiny silver vehicle by the way.

Not looking at it, but thinking the words 'shiny silver' made my smile fade away in a second. Stupid shiny silver Volvo owner, I had called someone not such a long time ago to tease him. It hurt. Like hell. As always.

"Bella!" Apparently I'd missed something she said.

"Yes?"

"What do you want to listen to? I've got charts, pop, some older, Beatles, too, uhm, I got Razorlight..."

"Raise a light is fine" I stopped her right there, not knowing the band and not caring, but I smiled to make it sound less harsh. She smiled, too, and, taking the hint, drove off quickly without too much chitchat. Seriously, Angela was someone I needed to keep around me. And the driving was actually fun. I'd always enjoyed the feeling of being in a car, just two of you, out on the road; there was a whole world going on outside, but you sat in your bubble with a friend, well-protected and apart from the others. Driving still soothed me.

If Angela was surprised at how much I spent, she quickly got over it and then actually followed my lead. We went through any kind of stores. Normally priced ones, cheap ones as well as some designer ones, where I picked out a few dresses. Charlie would go crazy. Well, so what. My female intuition told me he'd rather witness a bit of a post-puberty rebellion than my usual calm façade. So I spent hundreds of dollars. Wait, more than thousand by now? I didn't know. My credit card had a 3000 dollar daily limit, so I would now exactly when I'd lost a good part of my account.

I enjoyed the meaninglessness. But also how I looked in those clothes. Because I did look a bit beautiful, something I'd never really felt like before. But I was. I was alright, a bit more than average maybe, definitely something to work with. Of course any girl that has ever been dumped is probably keen on proving to herself that she looks fine, that it wasn't because of the looks. In my case, it was also because I knew it would make things easier. I had already catapulted myself outside of normal social life. Nobody thought of my as the nice and sweet girl from next door anymore, well, that was at least my guess at what I'd been before. So there I was with the perfect opportunity of creating a new me and making sure that everyone knew I didn't care. It would come easier if I at least looked lovely whilst flipping people off.

Another thing was, I couldn't fight the idea of Edward seeing me like that. He once thought I was beautiful, or at least he said so. With him always being well composed, with it always being me who wanted more of a kiss, I couldn't know for sure if he really ever meant that. But it cheered me strangely, the thought that maybe he did, that he might if he could see me in some of these clothes that were rather inviting the looks. I needed to think of something else. Badly.

Angela just did what I did. Spending slightly less, though, or at least I hoped so. The final store was a huge department store for interior design, where she helped me pick out some pillows, some small things like picture frames and decorations, and a huge fluffy white carpet. The last thing to buy was wall paint, white and blood red.

We noticed a hairdresser next to the department store and it was Angela who dragged me inside, insisted the professional did something to my mane. She got her hair cut like a young woman from the twenties, chin length, and she got a perm; so I got one, a loose one, after he'd cut layers in my hair. It looked good, bushy, wild, a lioness' mane. It was in the chair that I saw the ad: "kickboxing for girls and young women, so you can say no, too". Angela wasn't convinced but I turned to begging. I had her sign up with me, because I knew she'd feel compelled to go now she'd paid for the 3-month summer term, and I knew she'd make my lazy ass come along. We joked all the way to the restaurant about how we would be the strongest girls in Forks, running around with the La Push crowd. Maybe trash some lawns and drive motorcycles.

At the diner, I insisted to invite her. "Just for being able to stand me the entire day", I said, and she grinned, but she got what I meant.

It was a nice Thai restaurant and we ordered so much food the waitress somehow got the idea we were waiting for more people and asked if she should move us to a different table, which amused Angela and even me for a little bit. It was not the time to start bursting out in never ending giggles yet, but I could definitely grin and enjoy it.

"So, about Ben."

"What about him", she tried the witty response, but apparently the way I looked at her silenced her plan to be playful about it.

"He fell in love with this girl he met in camp. That was two years ago."

I didn't understand, but I knew I best just give her time.

"So now her dad moved from Chicago to Seattle." I must have looked scared, because she added: "I don't care. It's a big city. It's not like I will meet her around the next corner or anything. I really don't care about that."

She returned to nibbling on the last pieces of bread she'd used to soak up the rest of her curry coconut sauce. I had been such a good meal, the best in ages I could remember. Then again it was the first time in months I genuinely felt hungry and paid attention to whatever I was stuffing myself with.

"So what exactly did he say?"

"She asked him to visit her."

"And he did that, without telling you?" I couldn't help but ask. I didn't think he would, I always thought of Ben Cheney as a nice person in general.

"No", she shook her head and suddenly looked down, didn't want me to see her eyes anymore.

"I guess from that one time hearing her voice on the phone, he realized he would never feel for me the way he did for her. She was his first crush." Angela sniffed and I put my hand on hers, which was still holding the bread she now dropped. I don't know why I did this. It was instinct. I worked so hard pushing Edward out of my head all day, now she was giving me an even better reason to. She needed me.

"So technically..", I began, just thinking I needed to say something but really without any clue on what to say.

"So technically he was being the good guy, and fair. He realized he felt more for someone else, and without checking first if that someone would even want him for real, he told me and let me go." The last three words came out in bitter sarcasm, something I wasn't used from her; but the rest, she really meant it. I could see how this made it worse.

"I'm sorry." Great. The lamest thing to say, as in ever. But I had to say it once for the record. "It sucks that he didn't even give you a real reason to be mad at him."

She nodded. And then came what I feared most.

"Is it that way with you?", she asked.

I literally flinched away from the question. Then steadied myself and took a zip of Thai lemonade. Mango something.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.."

"It's okay", I cut her off. "You're my friend. I shouldn't get special treatment for being a lunatic." She smiled, at the friend thing, too. "So what was your question?

"Do you think you will be like that? Anyone now wouldn't count, if Edward ever came back for you? Everyone else wouldn't count as much?" She paused, but noticing my eyes swimming against my will, and to make it more natural, she added: "I was wondering if it's like that with every first love. Because if it is, then, I would never find someone to like better than Ben."

"I don't think it's important whether or not he, or she, is the first", I managed to whisper. Damn, I needed to get a hold of myself. Pathetic. For the first time I though that. I really was pathetic. Edward might be off, having fun. I didn't know that, but he might be. He might start to forget about me. And I was being pathetic, it was the only word for it.

"I think maybe there is a person you can't forget" she said, carefully placing each word. "And I'm sorry for you, too, Bella, I never got to say that before."

I smiled. Talking about it didn't make it worse. I didn't need to overdo it, either.

"You wanna go?" She read my mind. We paid, left for the car, and the driving home was brilliant. She let me drive the first part, up to the gas station where we got a coffee since it was seriously late now, and then I took the passenger's seat again.

There was something even more soothing about driving at night I realized. You could be sad, yes, but it felt okay. Whatever feeling it was you were feeling, even if it was that of sadness and loss, if you were in a moving vehicle staring at the dark trees and landscape rushing by, maybe even some stars, it made it better, calmer.


	2. Chapter 2

- 2. -

The next morning it never matters whose idea it was, alcohol. I never used to be much into drinking anyway. I thought it was lame, unnecessary. Angela taught me it could also just be really, really fun. It made said things funnier. It also made every motion more swirly. We could count ourselves as real lucky fools when we woke up next morning, after having stayed up until 5am painting the room and moving furniture, that we only painted the walls. Two white, two red. Kind of a miracle, but maybe it hadn't been enough wine to turn us daft, just enough to make painting seem funny.

I guess originally Charlie was a bit annoyed that I'd only left him with such an insufficient little note, and without dinner -though he'd never admit it, since I'd gone back to cooking a few weeks ago he was a lot happier around me-; but when he saw me coming in the door chatting with Angela, his mood shifted instantly and he couldn't stop his eyes from smiling. Luckily, he was still Charlie, so he spared me the pep talk. His face grew a bit longer the more often we went back to the car to get more coloured plastic bags, but apparently he had decided to enjoy my change in mood at whatever price. When we dragged in the paint though, he couldn't stop himself.

"Bella, what is this going to be?"

"Hi, Dad" I smiled at him, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist that. He leaned against the staircase Angela was just taking to carry another weight load of sizzling bags up to my room. I had almost forgotten what a shopping maniac I'd turned out to be only hours ago. Which proved my point that nothing mattered which made me feel good. But which also reminded me how proud Alice would have been of me shopping so much and the choices I made... Alice. I missed her, too, she really had been my best friend. Not Angela, as much as I liked her and as much as I appreciated and owed her at this moment. Of course nothing could come close to the sensation of pain the hole Edward had left in me still caused me. But Alice added up to it.

I had pulled myself back out of my head and answered my father. "I'll be needing some changes around my room. I thought about colouring two walls red, two white."

"Opposite?" he asked mechanical and surprised me by how much he was going to tolerate if only I became more human again.

"No", I explained quickly while I only thought it trough now, "I'll paint the wall with the big window and the one next to it with the smaller side window white, and then the wall with the door and the one next to that red. My bed can go in the corner between the red walls and the windows, it will look like a complete red corner since you know most of my bed clothes are blue, anyways. Oh and I got some more red sheets, I remembered."

I think it took most of Charlie's composure not to ask me how much money I'd spent and from which account I'd taken it, but he seemed to trust me not to rob a bank at least. And I liked him for that. I liked my Dad, I really did. And I liked Angela. That was good news. Still, the way they treated me and Charlie never even asked what I'd spent and Angela never questioning it before, I could guess at what kind of state they feared I was in. What sort of wreck I was.

The evening with Angela was fun, if I was going to start using the word fun again. We went through my closet and I had to throw a lot of stuff out, just so I had room for all the new clothes. I put a lot in my dresser too and which means I had to throw old school things out, no big thinking here, and while at it I decided to paint my dresser white and my shelf red. And when I woke up and realized I had actually gone through with all the moving and painting and decorating, I adored my new, futuristic room. It looked nothing like me. Charlie had taken a second to remind me I was going to move out after three months of summer, but he hadn't protested. I needed to change the room so I could come back to it. At least my sudden shopping addiction had convinced I was ready to move to Vermont.

We watched Dvds after breakfast, but I could hardly concentrate. Films were not good enough to keep me busy yet. Angela left when she noticed my lack of interest in a shirtless Johnny Depp, a clear sign of my total ignorance I admit. Before she left I asked Angela if she wanted to drive to school together on Monday, because I felt like I could need a shield around me, and she liked the idea almost as much as I did and promised to pick me up in the morning.

I took a nap that afternoon and when I woke up I was once again amazed by my new old room and briefly wondered if it would be like that every morning now. During my nap I had bad dreams, as always. Edward was walking around what I remembered as his room, picking out CDs. I was standing by the door, but I couldn't walk over to him, and he was ignoring me. He then sat down on the piano, which was suddenly in his room, and started playing my lullaby of all things. I felt like screaming and kicking and apparently that is what I did, because I woke up on the floor.

Charlie asked me to watch a baseball game with him then, and I spent the rest of the afternoon curled up on the couch next to him. I didn't really look at the TV screen once, just stared in the general direction, but the silence was comfortable and if this assured my father or my well-being it was the least I could do for him. Besides, he knew I didn't care for baseball. He'd meant if I wanted to sit next to him for a bit when he asked if I wanted to watch TV for a bit, and I was content to do that. I was thinking of Edward the entire time though and how the last time he'd really been here he watched the game with Charlie all night, ignoring me mostly. It was all I could do not to cry, again, but my head was turned to the TV so Charlie didn't see.

Jake called around six, and Charlie was probably just as glad as I was; while I got to escape the game, he got to watch his daughter going out. And with his favourite potential son-in-law at that. I'd been hanging out with Jake several times, lately, and Charlie welcomed that more than anything. I said I was ready and pretty much stormed out the door to my truck, where I noticed it was a bit cold so I took a minute to run back upstairs to get an old wool sweater. In the mirror I'd just fixed over my dresser I noticed that were still tiny bits of white and red paint in my hair, but then again, that would have to do, Jacob had seen me in much worse conditions I figured.

Again, the driving at dark was soothing. I didn't even have to put on music, the even movement and the stars, which today were very visible, were all it took to calm me. I was thinking about Edward, yes. About how he used to make comments on my truck all the time. I missed it. I missed the constant bickering just as much as our passionate moments, well, the very few he'd let us have together. I had convinced myself by now that it wasn't only a problem of his restraint from killing me, but also, that he just wasn't that attracted to me. It made sense. I couldn't compare to him on any level. It never made sense for him to love me in the same absolute, desperate way I had loved him. I still loved him. But it was okay as long as I was driving. I could bear it then.

And when I got to his house, Jacob was already waiting on the porch. Clearly, my truck had announced my arrival. But what do you expect from a senior citizen, not every car can be as quiet as that range rover I drove with Angela last night. Nice car, though, I had to admit.

Jake came down to meet me right at the car door. He looked at me cautiously to make sure he was safe, that I wouldn't cry or anything. Lately I started noticing hoe carefully everyone around me acted with me. That would have to stop, I decided.

I grinned at Jake, and he smiled his huge warm smile for me and pulled me into a hug. For the few seconds that my head rested on his chest it was screaming, because as much as I liked Jacob, this wasn't the body I craved for, the neck I ached to sling my arms around, not the set of arms I needed wrapped around me. He complimented me inside, where Billy greeted me friendly but left the room just as quickly to give us some privacy. Jake stared at me.

"What?"

"You do know that you still got paint all over yourself?"

"Yeah", I shrugged it off. "So what do you want to do?"

"I dunno, watch a movie?" He seemed very keen to find out what I wanted to do. I had forgotten that Jake liked me. Liked me a lot.

I smiled my sweetest smile and said "Sure, that'd be great" and sooner than I knew I was sitting on his couch watching a couple of gangster shooting at each other at seemingly random times; or maybe it was just that I couldn't follow the movie. Jacob was watching me just as much as he was watching the movie, so it was kind of hard to just gaze off in space. He had made popcorn and passed it to me about every two minutes, but other than last night, I just couldn't eat this time. If I had swallowed anything, I would have thrown up, because tears had closed my throat up earlier that day or at night already. He noticed my lack of appetite, but didn't comment.

It was when he left to go to the bathroom that I could finally stop looking in the direction of the TV screen and started scrutinizing the room with my eyes. I don't know what I was looking for, probably something to catch my interest for once. But what I did find was definitely exceeding my expectations. My eyes had passed the little bag already before they went back to it. It was a plastic bag with leafy green contents, stacked between two books in a pile made upof Jacob's backpack, his books and school sweater. I got up swiftly to grab it and had just lounged myself back on the couch when he came back in. He noticed I had moved and popped up his eyebrows questioningly, and I held up the bag and started to grin. Even I could tell what that smell was.

He turned deep red. How cute.

"It's not like that's so unhealthy, it's just nature. Technically it's a lot healthier than alcohol, and all the grown-ups do that and it's legal."

"My Jake does Oregano, as I hear they call it now?" I giggled. It was so laughable. My new best friend seemed to indulge in his own kind of weekend getaway from time to time. "I'm not judging, Jake, I was just wondering if you'd let me try that some time."

"Nah, I dunno, Bells."

"You said it wasn't dangerous", I reminded him and gave him a very pleading look. Edward would have hated this, I realized. Good. Either I was going to have that same experience, where I could see him because I was in danger- or it would just be something I knew would piss him off thoroughly, which felt good, too. Maybe better.

Two hours later Jake and I were still running up and down the beach, nothing could possibly exhaust us now. We had started a little fire, his idea, and I had spent a good deal of time dancing around it like I imagined his ancestors might have down hundreds of years ago, -with the proud descendant of former Indian warriors rolling around in the sand, howling with laughter. All the shapes around me were moving, everything kept coming closer and then withdrawing again when I wanted to touch it, but it wasn't like in my nightmares. I though of Edward within the first couple of minutes (because that shit did kick in pretty fast), but then I kind of lost that strand of thought and it got better and better. I'd never really been drunk but for one or two times at the end of junior high with a few girlfriends, and the night before with Angela, and it had not been the sort of experience I needed to repeat over and over. This was different. Nothing could scare me now. I knew I was so many times stronger than I usually was, so many times faster. Everything was but a blur.

Later, Jacob didn't want me to drive home. But it wasn't like he was any more sober than me, so I convinced him I was enough sobered out to drive myself home. And I was. True, the lines on the road were a bit shaky. But don't do the crime if you can't do the time, I knew this had to be part of the whole experience. If I could get myself in a funny mood with grass, I could drive myself home. I still decided to be careful and drove at about ten miles an hour the whole way. Luckily nobody passed me, they would have all stopped for me, thinking the truck finally gave up.

Charlie hardly noticed me coming home. He was watching another game. I yelled "Night, Dad", and my high spirits must have pleased him.

In my room I basically fell on my bed, the entire room still spinning around me. It was amazing. I managed to find my portable disc player and started listening to a CD Phil had given me to my birthday, some British indie rock, but good. Almost any music would have been good now. My head was swimming and I dozed off feeling warmer and calmer than I had in month.


	3. Chapter 3

- 3. Homecoming Queen -

In the morning I didn't even feel hung over. I had dreamed of Edward, of course, but the dreams were rather cloudy and distant. I had remembered to set my alarm clock, and the morning shower felt like rebirth. The warm water unclenched all of my muscles and softened my skin somehow. I decided on a rather short, plain dress with black tights and boots and a long, comfy wool jacket. Comfortable, not overdoing it. My legs looked pretty gorgeous this way but I still gave the impression of just-got-out-of-bed. I realized that I now suddenly paid attention to what I was wearing. That was a first.

While I went downstairs to grab a bowl of cereal I remembered my trail of thoughts from two days ago. I really had been a goody-goody. I never smoked a single cigarette since I'd left Phoenix- and back then, it was only because most of my friends smoked that I occasionally shared one. I hadn't touched alcohol since ever I came to Forks, and back in Phoenix my experience with that was limited, too; I'd only been drunk once and that was at my grandfather's 75th birthday when an older cousin of mine stole Champagne for us younger teenagers. Pathetic. I had never had sex, either, due to the perfect level of self-restraint of my former boyfriend, Edward Cullen- which might have had something to do with the fact that he never really liked me to begin with, at least not the way I liked him. The way I loved him.

While listening to the sound of the cereal crashing between my teeth to avert further thoughts of him, I saw Angela pulling up the driveway in her normal car. She smiled when I walked towards her, and we drove to school in comfortable silence. She noticed nothing different about me, apparently, so I guess it wasn't possible to detect that someone had been tripping that easy.

It was insane to have to go to school a week after you graduated anyhow, but we were both still enrolled in AP classes than ran until mid July. I almost envied Tyler and those people with no ambitions, who didn't even care about college. Or well, those kids whose parents were wealthy enough to pay for any kind of college anyhow, so it didn't matter if they did well or not. Basically we would be hanging around here with all the juniors, already trying to take our places and form the new in-crowd, with all the sophomores and freshmen ready to go to camp and a seriously diminished selection of the senior class trying to get in a few more AP credits before reality hit hard in fall.

After Angela and I had parted, agreeing to meet for lunch, I decided to stay outside the building for just another minute, because the sun was shining so beautifully, and then suddenly I realized I was going to be late if I didn't rush now. But I didn't feel like rushing. I watched the big clock above the front entrance, almost smiling to myself, until I was absolutely sure that I'd be late, then I shifted my back away from my truck and slowly walked into the building. Nobody had even noticed me hanging out here.

I was late, of course I was. Empty corridors. I pushed open the door to my Trig class deliberately slow and walked in without a word. Everyone was staring. I hated the attention at some level, but if I wanted to bring myself back into this, people better noticed sooner than later that I wasn't the grieving mute anymore. At least, not on the outside.

"Miss Swan?" Mr Varner obviously expected something for me.

"I'm sorry I'm late", I said, but it didn't feel right, apologizing for something I had done on purpose. So I added: "I left late" and smirked at him.

While my admittedly slightly pompous entrance had silenced everyone, this remark got at least half of the class giggling. From the corner of my eye I noticed Mike Newton looking me up and down in approval. It was just like Edward had said. People at this school did notice me, in a way no one had before I came to Forks. Good.

I did a half turn from going back to my empty table in the back of the class, where I usually sat alone since Edward, who had obviously been my class neighbour in almost anything, had left. I went to sit next to Mike Newton and right in front of Jessica Stanley. I was slightly surprised they were part of the small "excellence cluster" staying on for AP grades, but hell, if anybody needed more credit, it was Jessica.

Mr. Varner, who had obviously waited for me to sit down, come to my senses and reply something rueful, slightly snapped at this turn of events.

"Miss Swan, this isn't your seat, is it."

"No, it isn't", some kind of devil was pushing me further, "but from here I can see you much better."

Someone laughed out, and then it went dead silent.

Mr. Varner was amazingly calm.

"Get out of my class and into the principal's office right now, Miss Swan. Tell them to arrange detention this afternoon for you."

I sighed dramatically and got up. I considered making another snappy remark, but I knew I'd gone as far as I dared. For a first day, this was good.

The lady behind the office desk was extremely surprised as I very friendly told her to schedule me for detention. I was probably one of the last persons she'd have expected to end up there. Well what can I say? I walked outside and just sat down on the side of the boardwalk, enjoying the sun. This was so much better than Trig!

During lunch I wasn't alone. I entered the hall a bit late, and I was aware of people watching me. I didn't know if they'd always done that and I had just not noticed it, or is this was a new thing because word had spread that I'd acted up in Trig this morning. I got a bowl of mixed Salad since I wasn't feeling particularly hungry and then I saw Angela waiving at me and went towards the small table in the middle of the room where she sat by herself. Almost all eyes were watching me. Had it always been like this, or was this really all because of this morning?

"Your hair, your tights... you look beautiful you know", remarked Angela as I set down opposite from her.

"Thanks", I mumbled.

"Everybody is staring at you."

"Yeah", I answered, but then I realized I never wanted to be snappy with Angela and quickly added to my arrogant comment: "That's because knowing this school everyone knows by now that I'll spend a good part of my day in detention tonight."

Her look told me that she already knew. "Want to talk about it?"

"Have you not heard an exact and detailed description of every word I said this morning by now? It seems I underestimated Forks High."

"Nah, I have." She grinned. "I don't get it, but I'm cool with it. This place is really boring, when you think about it."

"Don't you dare get yourself into detention, too", I whispered half joking, half menacingly, suddenly scared I could make this lovable, sweet girl just as miserable as me.

She shook her head though, and probably started out to say something, but that was before little Ben Cheney walked up to our table and fixed his eyes on her after having shot a short, probing glance in my direction.

Angela stared at him, obviously uncomfortable, obviously wishing for him to go away. Had some of Edwards unnatural talents rubbed off at me, or had it always been that easy for me to read people? Well, maybe not people, maybe just her.

But now, Edward's name was in my head. I took my time rearranging my hair around my face with my fingers. Started eating. Seeing nothing but his radiant smile. The one I wouldn't see again. Then I realized Ben was still there, not speaking.

I jerked my head up and gave him an annoyed look.

He cleared his throat and murmured: "I just wanted to check on you."

Angela couldn't find a voice to speak, and shot a pleading look at me. It was so clear. Make him go away, Bella.

"She's fine", I said softly. He seemed to miss the warning in my voice.

"Look, I just wanted to see if you were doing okay." He twitched.

"And why wouldn't she be?" I looked at him plainly, with a smile on my lips almost as sweet as fake. He apparently had no answer for that. Angela relaxed a little. This was going well, I knew it. Ben still seemed reluctant to go away.

"I tried calling you on the weekend, Angela. You were never home."

"She was with me", I jumped in again when Angela didn't open her mouth. He finally turned to me. "All weekend?" He seemed more surprised than questioning, and I remembered somewhere in the back of my head that up until last Friday I'd been a wreck, a mute little ghost basically oblivious to all the people around me.

"Yes, we drove up to hang out with my friend Al..fie in Seattle." I'd almost said Alice. But lying came easier now. "I was his birthday and lots of friends came around, he has a few cute cousins and we both thought it was time we had fun at a party, seeing how both of us were trapped in relationships so long." I had hurt him with the word trapped, I knew it. Ben Cheney was one of the good guys here, and I knew it. Why hurt him? I didn't know that. But I knew in that moment I had wanted to hurt him.

"You felt trapped by your relationship, Bella?" he followed up. But he knew full well I had meant not just me, and he was looking at Angela.

To my great surprise and satisfaction, Angela managed to swallow that bite of food sealing up her throat for the past few minutes and quipped nonchalantly: "Don't we all?"

Ben looked as if he had been kicked in the balls right then and I decided to finish him off, see you far the newer, meaner version of me could go.

"You said it, dear, don't we all? She's right, Ben. I of all people was a fool to think I had a broken heart. It was funny, being the broken hearted actress for a while. But our hearts are way too young to be broken yet. It takes some time, you know, but after a while you realize you are only young once and you shouldn't waste all you free high school years on just on bloke, even if he's kind of nice."

He smiled not very convincingly and left our table. Angela didn't say anything during the rest of our very healthy lunch (she'd gotten a salad too and it just then occurred to me that I'd never seen her eating pizza or a cheeseburger), but she mouthed "thanks" to me when we both pushed our plates away, and I knew that she had relied on me and I had just proved worthy of that. And it had been easy, too. Way to go, Bella.

That was when the crowd decided to join us for the rest of sitting around after the actual eating part was over. Mike Newton, Jessica, who'd been the most frustrated with me and probably still was, Eric, Lauren and a couple of others. My table was suddenly the table for the in-crowd. The popular kids. And I knew why it came that easy to me. Because I didn't care about it at all. About none of them, save Angela, a little.


	4. Chapter 4

- 4. Newcomers - -

What can I say? Everything came easy to me then. Because it wasn't what I really wanted. I often caught myself remembering my first days in Forks. How I hadn't believed Edward when he said that I was pretty and all the other guys stared at me, too. Well they did. I even caught myself wondering how this had gone if I had spent my days with Mike Newton from the begin with, but then quickly came to the same realization every time; not possible. The moment I saw Edward it was him I really wanted. Maybe if he had never come back after that first day, things would have been different. But I also realized I wouldn't want them to be. As much as it hurt to think that, it had been worth it. Every kiss we shared, every time he flashed that crooked little smile at me, had been worth the emptiness I was feeling now, and I wouldn't have done it any different if I'd known he'd be leaving, I probably wouldn't even have been capable of doing it different.

I spent the next few days in beautiful regularity. School in the morning. I didn't exactly go out of my way to annoy my teachers, but I did nothing to be a polite and well-liked student, either. I did whatever I felt like at the moment. Which sometimes wasn't nice or correct. I kept my grades up, though, and worked very hard on that. Since I had already been studying like a maniac for most of the year, for lack of a social life, I didn't see why I should change now. I spent most of my nights studying, too. Charlie was happy with me. He still spent several weekends away from home, for some police schooling in Seattle. He'd started doing that shortly after I fell into the abyss, and I assumed he needed two days a week without the pained look in his only child's broken eyes. I enjoyed the space to myself, and the possibility to throw small private parties, and bigger parties in the garden, now that summer was coming. Charlie never asked, even though he sometimes found people snoring on the couch and leftover stuff.

My few free hours in the afternoon I spent with Angela mostly. Summer was here, school would be over soon (which only reminded me of Edward having been gone for an entire school year), and we hung around outside her place a lot. She had a heated pool, that was the small difference. My weekends I spent with Jacob, and that was good, too. We were hardly ever sober, or conscious, but we enjoyed each other's company either way. With Jake there was no need pretending I was fine, because he saw right through me all the time anyways, and tripping on weed or whatever else he sometimes came up with, there was no need pretending because I actually felt pretty fine, I felt good, and strong, and whole.

I was amazed at my self-control. I never did any drugs except for weekends. I studied every weeknight. Well, I had nothing better to do to distract myself, but still.

Summer break came and went. I studied. I prepared to move. Middlebury turned out a popular choice in Forks, or maybe it was simply that they were quite mild-hearted when handing out scholarships. Angela would come with me, and so would Jessica and Tammy, one of her cheery little friends. I couldn't care less, I was glad Angela would be around. I said goodbye to Charlie the last week of August and had most of my stuff moved into my one bedroom, kitchen corner und bathroom single dorm at Middlebury two days later. Angela lived across the road, though road was a bit of a euphemistic term to be honest. I had no idea where Jessica lived, but I saw her almost every night, giggling at whichever party I decided to attend because she seemed to attend all parties every single evening had to offer.

I got into the kickboxing team at Uni, having spent the summer getting to know the sport, and I signed up for Cross Country as well. I still wasn't particularly coordinated but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy spending myself, working out hard, blowing off steam and lying in bed feeling every single muscle- it was a new discovery, something I learned over the summer: that I actually enjoyed sport as long as it didn't require you to be graceful or aim a ball in a certain direction.

Cross Country surprised me, I came to like it so well. After 5 weeks I managed to run the whole way, without stopping. Of course I would still usually finish last or second-to-last. But that didn't matter to me. I liked the regularity of it all, just as regular as I had made my life. How you had to plan your breathing orderly. How you got to see the same patch of wood for the thousands time, knowing at every single corner, almost every single tree, how far you'd come and how far it still was. Plus, by this time I was somewhat well on my way of becoming the unchallenged queen of Middlebury's freshman class, whether that had been my intention or not. Nobody would have dared say a thing. If I was running slower than everybody else on the planet, than that made me only cooler, more daring, more mystery. I could do no wrong in the eyes of my fellow students. I was almost overcome by a sudden sadness, realizing how truly well I had fit with the Cullens. Everybody looked up to me, stared after me, racked their brains about me, too. I had straight long legs and shiny curls, I spoke little enough and left parties early enough with a vague expression of boredom to remain a mystery, I studied in secrecy so that when all my grades were up it seemed like a given to the others. Angela and I usually cooked together each night, apart from that I spent my days in calm tranquility.

After having gone home to Forks for Christmas to learn that Charlie still went to Seattle on a weekly basis and Jake had a cute girlfriend whom I couldn't stand, my return to Vermont was like settling back into my real life. Thus, I was about to get obsessed with the regularity of my daily life when the news came around on the first day of the new year. I was at lunch actually, and trying not to think about the fact that my life would probably just be this from now on, carefully planned out regularity to avoid dreaming about the man who'd robbed my heart in high school and seemed so unreal now. Hell, at least Edward didn't have to graduate High School again! Which he would have, if it hadn't been for me. I had interrupted the Cullen's plan concerning Forks. I had moved on to marveling at the fact how thinking about Edward was still a constant pain, but not something that would kill me. Just something that would be there forever.

I was awoken out of my thoughts by the shattering noise of a lunch tray being basically thrown onto the table, which I had been sharing with Angela. Of course it was Jessica Stanley who told me first. I couldn't think of anyone else who would be so eager to tell a story that they would literally hurl their tray at a table to make sure no one got there first with the news. Jessica, who had been on a strict diet for weeks and loved to indulge in telling Angela and me all about it yet never lost weight, probably rewarded herself with a Chocolate Sunday every time she got to be the first person to announce new gossip to someone. Way to loose pounds.

"So we have two new students" she said breathlessly as she rearranged all the items that had fallen over on the tray, some spilled on the table, while Declan, her new boyfriend and always the gentleman, was actually rummaging under the table diving for a fork she'd dropped. Neither Angela nor I commented on her introduction, since she was sure to spill out all the details she had gathered by now within seconds as it was.

"Alfred and Elizabeth Russell. They're brother and sister." I gave out a little snort, seeing how that must have cost her ages to riddle out. As it had become a habit of late, our fellow lunch mates Claire and Johnny, who had just closed up behind Jessica, made a similar sound just to prove they felt the same way as me. I could have sworn I heard another snorting noise under the table, where Declan was still searching between our feet, and also I could have sworn Johnny had no idea what this was about. Didn't matter. The only one who didn't feel the need to go along with whatever I said was Angela. But I knew she was thinking the same about Jess's comment. The difference was she could have come up with that same comment herself. She actually was a little like me, not trying to be.

"Anyways", Jessica started over hastily after pouting for a second, "there's more. They just moved here from England. They are really English!"

"I hear that is not an uncommon thing in England, Jess", I simply couldn't stop myself any longer.

She smiled coyly and kept on talking: "He's our age. But she's a year older, she shouldn't even be in our year, only she got in so much trouble she got expelled at her old school."

I had the courtesy to raise my head now and fully look at Jessica. I still didn't care, but she seemed to do so very much so I didn't want to offend her. I didn't always try to be my meanest.

"I really hope they come from London!" The way Jess pronounced those last three words they might as well have come from a red light district in Singapore or Sin City itself. "They're here so they can start over and he can keep an eye on her. Their Mum is here with them, I mean, only their Mum. Their Dad is probably in the Caribbean to hide from some kind of fraud."

That was a lot. I smiled. Jess must have been digging for this all weekend. She however came to a different conclusion than I did from the whole Caribbean story. "They must be rich like crazy. He looks pretty dull, but she's actually like some kind of rock star or model, she must be amazing. She has the coolest English accent, too. I dunno about him, he's weird, he doesn't seem to talk a lot."

Jess relaxed, scared for a moment that she had upset me, since not talking a lot was my thing. It still sometimes freaked me out that position I was in now. Whatever I did, they did. Whatever I said was law. Whatever I wanted was cool. Whatever I disliked was dead to everyone else as well. If it hadn't been for Angela and Jake I might have believed I had some kind or super powers.

"So I think we should ask them to sit here", she finished. Everyone looked at me, again. I tore my breakfast bar apart with my fingers and said nothing. They could figure this out.

"I think that would be nice", that was Angela's soft voice. I smiled. It was a done deed.

The two of them walked inside the cafeteria only minutes later. Brother and sister, no doubt. She was competition, I saw that as soon as she locked her eyes on me and probably thought the same thing. Funny how I never used to think about things in these terms. She was very tall, not as thin as me but with those nice curves I lacked. Her hair was dark blond and fell down her back in cascades, much like mine; her face was heart shaped and her eyes dark and soft. She wasn't pretty... she was beautiful and alluring. After choosing whatever she felt like eating and dumping it on his tray, she dismissed her little brother at the queue for the cashier and walked straight over to our table.

"I'm Effy", she smiled and stuck her hand out to me. She knew her way around high school hierarchy, which sadly doesn't cease in college but simply becomes a little less silly, and she knew she belonged on top of it. "You must be Bella Swan. I've heard so much about you." She seemed to like what she'd heard. The second she walked in I was starting to think that this could get interesting. I'd never really been in a catfight before, but I'm sure it would have been something to not be bored. But she had come to the conclusion that she and I should be friends, and I liked that one even better. She seemed like the sort of friend that would get you into big trouble, but out of it as well.

So I took her hand and had Johnny move in order for her to sit next to me. She had just finished introducing herself to everyone at the table cordially but also with a very superior note and generously accepting their names in return, when her brother walked to the table. He was nothing like her and yet they still were undoubtedly siblings. Nobody stared after him the way they did her. He wasn't very tall, too skinny to draw much attention from the guys and with too boring a haircut to get them from the girls. Somehow he still managed to make Declan jump out of his seat next to me and clear it for him, he hadn't even said a word or made a gesture. He put down the tray without asking who we were and glided in his seat. It was then that he looked up and stuck out a hand to me. I met dark brown eyes under wavy brown hair and bangs. Unexpectedly charming, was what crossed my mind. He was the last person you'd expect to charm you to the point of melting and the second our eyes met that this worked in his favour.

"I'm Bella", I said without thinking. And realized nanoseconds later it was the first time in a year that I had introduced myself first. Usually, people came to me.

"I know who you are", his voice was dry, calm, with an underlying current of irony, but the latter I couldn't be sure about.

"I'm Al", he said simply. I knew now to never try and call him Alfred.

"Hi, Al", I shook his hand. He greeted the rest of the table with a simple wave including everyone and no one.

Effy drew her chair back and put her arm around me. I hadn't been touched by anyone but Jake in ages. She wasn't faking though, she saw a possibility of us getting along. This could become a very interesting year.

But the week was interesting enough already. Effy and Al were not from London, and they weren't Brits, either- they were both from Glasgow, Scotland, and their Northern accents were adorable but also annoying as hell sometimes. I realized I had every single class with Al. Sometimes he'd sit next to me. Jessica encouraged our blooming friendship, she would have been happy to see me with someone like Al, a nothing to the student body, so she wouldn't have to be afraid of me stealing any of the hot guy she fancied.

I spent my lunches with Angela, Al and Effy, and blending everyone else out came natural. I thought I could tell that neither of the Russell siblings really understood why Angela was always with me, but they accepted it as a given and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Then again maybe I didn't give the younger brother of the Island Queen enough credit; I liked her, I liked her better with her free spirit, her being completely open about the fact that she didn't care about most people, the way she always made things interesting. Hell, Effy could probably turn staring at a freshly painted wall into a party within minutes. But I was almost certain I was underestimating Al. The way he seemed so indifferent and nonchalant about everything didn't add up. He was very observant, that I noticed. When you asked him questions he gave only the vaguest answers possible, he had a way of skillfully skirting around actually telling you anything. He was strange, but maybe I was a bit strange, too, because as promptly as the rest of the student body lost all interest in the younger Russell kid and focused on his glorious sister, as quickly did I realize that there was something about Al that moved me. Anyway neither of them could possibly make me forget about Angela. Whereas Jake was my personal sun, Angela was my personal rock.

Johnny took a fancy to Allie the moment he saw her, which was like him. She was the shiny new toy now. When it came to her he was nothing but a cute little squirrel waiting at the cafeteria table to pick up the crumbs she dropped. She smiled at him but never spoke a word with him. He was more than fascinated. I didn't care. He could fancy whoever, unless it was Jess, that just made our group a little uncomfortable like last time when they'd broken up and he and Declan had been unwilling to speak to each other for weeks.

Effy was the glamorous Big City Beauty that had everyone dazzled, yes, I could use that word now without twitching. In my eyes, but I guess in my eyes alone, Al was her less obvious but much more powerful version. People didn't admire him the minute they met, or admire him ever; because Al hardly ever spoke unless it was just the two of you. He certainly did talk to his sister, and he certainly did talk to me in class, could become quite chatty. He was more open than Effy about the way he didn't care about anyone. I actually admired him for that. It was not like I cared, and Effy didn't either, but we had the sweet smile or mysterious smirk to cover it. He made no effort whatsoever to hide the fact that he didn't give a damn about University and everyone that came with it was just a necessity he would have to put up with until he finally graduated.

It was the next Friday that I went home with the Russells for the first time. Since I had come with Angela I gladly accepted the ride home with them. Angela was in a bit of a hurry, anyways. Effy invited me and I ended up driving to their little cottage with them. Yes, they actually shared a little cottage just outside the campus. And it was one of the most beautiful and strangest places I ever visited.

I grew quiet on the drive up to the house, and they left me in peace. Al had not talked too much to begin with, ever since we entered his sister's land rover, and Effy had been questioning me all day about the gossip of my incredibly beautiful high school boyfriend, and how he'd treated me like a princess before he disappeared and deserted me. Because yes, the entire student body knew. Jessica Stanley made sure everyone had seen a picture of Edward and me at Prom. I didn't know what she got from spilling the beans on me, but apparently she got something out of it, because there wasn't a single girl in freshman year who hadn't secretly given me the high five for "scoring such a god", followed by a bit of sympathy over losing your high school love, "haven't we all".

It was when I asked about their Mum's whereabouts that Al gave a snickering sound that made me turn around. He looked at my bewildered face and his mocking face grew softer. He looked very sweet in that moment.

"She's with your dad, Sweetie", came Effy's voice from my left.

"Why?", was all I could manage to say.

"Because they're almost-lovers. Or lovers, for all we know."

_Thanks for any reviews, this IS my first story and sometimes I confuse ideas, so don't have a go at me for that. _

_And, YES, I promise, Edward WILL SHOW UP soon. I just need Bella to have a little more time otherwise there's no way you'll believe that she stops being such a goody-two-shoes and I need her to become a little bit more cool. What did you think of the Russells? Pointless, or fun characters?_

_I hope you'll enjoy. The next chapters should be up tomorrow. _


	5. Chapter 5

- 5. -

I had been staring at Al in utter disbelief for what seemed like minutes, days, before Effy got out of the car and walked around to my side so she could get a better look at me and I at her.

"That's not the only reason why I wanted to hang out with you, you know. It probably was the reason I singled you out on the first day, I'd met your Dad, seen a photo of you... I wanted to know you. But, regardless, I really do think that you are like us. We're simply different from everyone else here, and clearly, so are you. I did think that you knew, though..." She went on for a little but my focus was on Al. His eyes never left mine and they seemed to back up what his sister had just put into words.

"When?" was all I could think of.

"They met quite some time ago."

Al was looking at me intently, gauging my reaction. And I was still absorbed with how Effy had said we were alike. I wanted to be like them, but I wasn't sure if the two of them even had anything in common. I had admired Effy since the minute we met, for both her manipulative diplomacy and the good heart that I had come to know was waiting behind the facade. Effy was full of life. She was everything I sometimes wished I were, which made me think that maybe she, too, was only pretending to be so happy and careless. I adored Effy with all of my heart, she was a personal sun just like Jake had been back in Forks. I wasn't sure about Al though. He was different from anyone I had ever met, and I couldn't describe him for the life of me. One minute I thought he was entirely shy and quiet and uncomfortable with the situation he found himself in at that moment, at any moment really; and the next minute I thought he wasn't as unaware of how funny he was, of how witty, but that he knew quite well that he was quite something. Frankly, he scared me shitless.

Effy's voice brought me back from my thoughts.

"Our parents have know each other for a while. Our grandma lived in Forks. They met at her funeral three years ago, when she had to be here a few weeks to arrange everything. He helped. Apparently, they stayed in contact since."

Al spoke up: "That was a decade after Renée had moved away and all, so don't worry too much."

He knew my mother. I had never even known they existed.

"He met her in Seattle these past month." I wasn't asking, I merely stated the obvious. Effy nodded, Al just gave me a loopsided grin.

"She made us come over here with her", my new bff shared details. "She had us stay in the Four Seasons hotel in Seattle. At any rate, it was way better than Forks".

"Everything is better than Forks." I was surprised at my own words. But they were true. The reason I was so good with everybody here was because I didn't give a damn. "Why were you in Forks?"

"She took us there to meet Charlie right before we drove up to Vermont. Which was a coincidence, by the way." Effy blushed.

The way Al grinned at her I figured Effy probably didn't have many affordable colleges to choose from. Come to think of it, I didn't know what kind of grades Al got. He probably could have a 4.0 over all but he probably didn't care enough to buckle down. Or maybe he just wanted to he cruel and refuse his mother the A-student she probably wished for, at least one in the house- and Effy wasn't going to be it.

We spent another hour just Effy and me sitting in her room. Its windows were out front and it was even bigger than Edward's room. Edward. How not to think about him here, when we talked about Forks and my Dad and where I came from before Vermont? Which was somewhat comforting, somewhat crushing me. I kept thinking about my decision to go Vermont, where there was no trace of him. Just like he had never existed. Just like he promised.

We mainly talked about people at Uni, the hots and nots, the parties she'd been to in Glasgow, New York and then in Seattle. I liked Effy. She was fun. She was very upfront, which could be rude, and very free spirited, which sounded like fun.

Effy said one thing that got my mind of Edward and Jake and the lot of them better than anything. She said: "Al and I have a bet going. He says they'll be minimum engaged before Christmas. I say it will take them another year, at least." I chuckled along with her, but only on the outside. I took Al for someone who knew what he was saying and didn't say things out loud unless he was sure about them, and someone who didn't loose a bet. I also took him for someone who could read people. He had read me, I was sure of it. He had seen how messed up I was inside, long before Effy had, if she had figured it out at all.

Whilst Effy took be back to get my car and go home, as we drove down the little dirt road that led up to the strange and pretty little cottage I'd just been invited to, I got to see my father's future wife for the first time. She was driving a sleek blue convertible and I got a good look at her features. The siblings came after their Dad. This woman was barely forty, very skinny and delicate looking and hat short cut, dark brown curls. I didn't get to see her eyes because of a big pair of expensive looking sunglasses she'd used to cover them. She nodded at me just like her son had minutes earlier as I passed by him when leaving the house. Ginevra Russell knew exactly who I was, too.

As soon as I got into my little place I noticed my mobile, which I'd forgotten next to the kitchen sink, was out of battery- which meant that there had been a lot of messages left on it, probably all by a concerned Charlie. Concerned Charlie was not my favourite to talk to, as much as I loved my Dad.

"Bella!" He greeted me as soon as I could bring myself to call him back, and excitedly told me he had ordered Chinese take-out. As if him not being able to cook came as a surprise to me.

"Bella, I thought you probably made some new friends at school, what with the Russell siblings going to Middlebury now." He was going to say more and I had to stop him before he could become all parental on me. Sentences as long as that last one were kind of frightening when they came from my father.

"I know, Charlie. And I'm okay with it." That wasn't exactly what I meant. What I meant was I didn't care. I liked Charlie. I liked being around him. As long as no one expected me to visit Forks more often than I did now, as long as I had the same privacy as before, I didn't care if he turned all Mormon on me and remarried six times. Hell, if he didn't ask me to convert, he could be a Christian polygamist all he wanted. And, yes, in a less egoist way I was also maybe a little glad my Dad hat found someone to take care of him, with me gone.

He sighed. "Don't you want to know my side of the story?"

"No." It had kind of slipped out. I didn't mean to hurt him, I just didn't want to hear it, but probably he was going to think I was hurt now.

"Oh, alright. Okay." I forced a conspiratorial smile that I hoped would be detectable in my voice. "Are you guys dating now or still working up to that?"

"We're dating." Typically Charlie. He wanted to talk about it, and then I had to press for every little bit. But this time I was wrong.

"Bella, we want to move in together. That is why she came here. I could never leave Forks." Wow. Again, so many words. For Charlie, that was.

"She would actually leave Glasgow for Forks?" Not that this was the most important issue, I knew, and not that I knew much about Glasgow. But given my utter annoyance with that little town, except for the short period where it had brought me the amazing boyfriend I thought Edward to be, I was wondering.

"She's bought a big house here, a bit out of town. I would move in with here, and you could visit me, us, there, any time."

"You would make me live in the Cullen's house." Again, I didn't ask. I stated.

"I should have told you earlier."

"Yes, you should have."

We spent a few more minutes on the phone, talking. Which we never really did. I liked the quiet thing about Charlie. I did not like the idea of moving into Edward's house, though. Then again, it would only be for Christmas and Easter really; and it would be my final task to prove that I was fine. And Charlie actually moved me a little when he told me, after beginning the sentence in a new fashion three times, that Edward's room had been turned into a library. That I wouldn't have to go there. "Dad, I'm okay." And I was. Never fine, never great, but always okay now.


End file.
